“Still they stood there in disbelief, filled with joy and wonder.” –Luke 24:41
I came across this Bible verse a few days ago and it STILL pretty much sums up my feelings about the past month.
July was a series of Cancerian birthdays, a course finished, and best of all: THE biggest surprise.
It’s been exactly a month since I hesitantly took a pregnancy test and saw this:
Who has been wishing and hoping and praying for a baby since we got married eight years ago.
Who wept and toiled and questioned the high heavens after three unsuccessful rounds of fertility workups–including two failed inseminations.
Who has been seeing her husband only two weeks a month since last October, three if she’s lucky.
And by God, did we get lucky!
Choice of words intended, for it’s only by God’s grace that this happened.
Early this year we finally geared up for adoption. We submitted our papers last April and have so far heard nothing from DSWD. Husband and I have talked about following up towards the end of the year, yet here we are.
I found out on a Saturday, so I had to force myself to sit tight because I couldn’t set up a doctor’s appointment until Monday.
And then this, and all was well. 🙂
I had to wait a week to tell Rey.
I had to hold all the excitement in, go to the clinic alone, see the first ultrasound by myself, travel to Manila, knock on his door, and wait to see the look on his face.
It was well worth it.
After all our years of trying and waiting, I just couldn’t bear the idea of merely telling him over the phone. Not even a video call would do.
When he opened the envelope bearing my letters, a sonogram, and two pregnancy kits, the moment that followed is something I wish I could have a photo of.
Our arms were wrapped around each other, eyes overflowing with big, fat tears, hearts thumping and ready to burst with all the mix of emotions we were feeling.
Hence, the reference to the verse.
I’m still often filled with disbelief, joy, and wonder.
Every night I clasp a rosary and place it over my belly to thank God for His amazing grace, wisdom, and mercy. I pray that he leads baby, me, and Rey through this whole journey safe, strong, and healthy. On days that I increasingly get worried (being the worrywart that I am), I pray that He teaches me to rely on His goodness.
I must admit that am not a prayerful person. I am one of those who come closer to God when I’m in need or want of something, but I probably am at my most prayerful right now. He has just manifested His presence to me. I have become a testament to His steadfast love and perfect timing, and I could not be more grateful.
See, I wanted to become a mother at 23.
I pestered fate and cried at the unfairness of it all when six rounds of Clomid proved I was resistant to the medication which was supposed to make me ovulate. I injected myself with thousands worth of fertility drugs, timed our intercourse, and made plans about being an adoptive parent.
Now, ten years later, it is evident God has other plans for me.
And it’s a hundred times better.